I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
