He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
