i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
