Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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