What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
