i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just googled if crying burns calories
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
