I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
A+ Viking dick
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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