I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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