Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
