Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
