I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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