Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I AM VODKA MAN
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
