Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
