i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
