she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
