There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
