At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
