It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
