Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
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