I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
