I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
