The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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