Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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