Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
