The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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