I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
