My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
