My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
