I miss vodka workout Fridays
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
