it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
