i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
