You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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