So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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