she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
