The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
