we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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