This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
