I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
