you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
