I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
