so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
