I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
