would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Sober January is a disaster.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
