and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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