he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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