is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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