She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
