its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
