All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
