when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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