All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
