ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
do nipples grow back?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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