He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
