guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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