I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
