thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
