So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize