After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
