I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
