Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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