So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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