Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
