I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
