so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
