Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
