I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Your cock deserves a montage
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
