i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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