I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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